Living with Infertility

Wanting, hoping waiting,
Loving, longing, knowing,
Feeling the loss before I could lose you.
Never seeing, touching or smelling.
Dreaming, aching, crying.
Losing the hope and joy,
Of Motherhood.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Has it sunk in?

Many of you know that I have two crazy, but adorable little girls who are the sunshine of my life. When we went to go see what this baby was going to be, I will admit, I was hopeful for a boy. There are a few reasons for this, first, it would be nice to have a boy due to the fact that I am an only child and happen to be a girl, we have only had girls, so on my side of the family we have never experienced a baby boy. Second, having babies is not an easy task for with this little bundle of joy being a boy, being "done" would have been a lot easier to deal we are not so sure we are done. Third, the only dream I have ever had of having a child, is about a boy. So it seemed logical to me that we would be having a boy sooner than later...well, as most of us know, our way does not usually match God's way. :)

So, when the ultrasound tech finally got around to telling us that we were going to have another girl, I thought for sure that I was going to be totally disappointed. But I wasn't. I was thrilled...and shocked. But thrilled. And now the idea that I will be having 3 daughters has really sunk in. I am thrilled for and envious of them. I hope that they are best friends. I hope that as they get older and have their own families they will have each other to call, to go out with and help one another. There are MANY days I wish I had that. Therefore, I am very excited that they will have not one, but two sisters to call on and share their experiences with.

I am so excited to have this little baby girl and we are doubly excited and blessed that she is healthy and strong. She is exactly where she needs to be in measurement and health. She is getting more and more active and I love feeling those little bumps and pushes. And I love how every day, Hannah wants to see my stomach and every day she tells me how huge I am :) I am grateful I get to share this experience with my girls. And although Hannah was the most vocal when it came to sharing her feelings at the ultrasound..."But I wanted a boy!" she shouted, as soon as the announcement of a another girl was made. (I think she was confused in the idea that we get to choose what we want.) But she is very excited now and prays for baby Eva every day and night.

Thank you, once again, for being a part of this journey with us. We are thrilled and excited. We are already half way and so in just a short 20 weeks, I will have my third miracle baby in my arms. And I can't wait.

Lots of love,


  1. I came from a family of five girls and although we did fight and not always get along we were also the best of friends. Today my sisters are my best friends and I talk to them almost every day. Three little girls will be so much fun.

  2. I, too, assumed I was having a little boy due to a dream I had. Now it's only apparent that it was to tell me to keep going...there's at least "one more". Thinking of that with 3 month old twins in my arms is hard to imagine, but I wonder if that's why the Lord gives us those dreams. You know, so we don't decide while things are tough that we're finished. To let us know that there's someone else waiting for us. Not sure how the little guy will get into our family...adoption or invitro...but I'm pretty sure he's coming. I just hope he gives me at least 2-3 yrs before he decides to join us!! :)

  3. I have 3 sisters and we really are the best of friends. I think it got a little crazy during our growing up years but now I don't know what I would do without them in my life

  4. Niki, I am so happy for you! Girls are so much fun! I am so glad my girls have each other and sisters are the greatest! And the great thing about girls too is that they tend to stay closer to us moms when they are older!

  5. Your girls are so cute and I'm sure this one will just make your girls three times as cute! I can't wait to meet her!

  6. Thanks everyone! We are truly blessed :)

  7. Hi! I just saw that you're having a girl! Congrats! And take it from us, three girls is the way to go :) All those "gender neutral" strollers and car seats I bought just make me laugh! I just tell people we "specialize" in girls. Avery gave me her opinion of a pair of my shoes yesterday (favorable, thankfully :) and I though, whoa, this "house-full-of-girls" thing is just getting started... And in my dad's words, (who had four girls), now that we're married he has four sons anyway. Break out the pink!