Living with Infertility

Wanting, hoping waiting,
Loving, longing, knowing,
Feeling the loss before I could lose you.
Never seeing, touching or smelling.
Dreaming, aching, crying.
Losing the hope and joy,
Of Motherhood.


Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I forgot...

Yesterday went great. Everything looks wonderful and we are still set to go this next month :) After the ultra-sound we went in and talked to the nurse about the next couple of weeks. These next two weeks are very important as it is the prep time for the actual egg retrieval and the embryo transfer. I knew that we would be talking about the next shot that I would have to start taking as it is a little more involved than the Lupron. I talked about it yesterday, the Repronex.

However, I forgot, this is not the only other shot I have to take...there is another shot as well. These shots together are the FSH shots. It is like a shot cocktail ;) or ;(

I forgot about the "other" shot. Not that it is that bad, at least I don't remember it being bad...but I don't remember it at all, so....

Starting Monday, I will be taking 3 separate shots for 10 to 12 days. After 8 days of this I will go in for another ultra-sound and they will be able to then know when the exact date for my retrieval will be and that is when everything REALLY starts.

So here is not looking forward to Monday, did I mention, I don't like shots? Yeah, so this will be interesting...I figure I did it once...I guess I can do it again right :/

lots of love


Monday, June 28, 2010

Another Ultrasound

So, tomorrow I get to go back to U of U for an ultrasound. This ultrasound should tell us a lot about how things are going to go these next 4 weeks. I will be on Lupron for two more weeks, during that time I will be starting another shot called Repronex. The Repronex will do the opposite of what Lupron does...Lupron stops my system in it's tracks and the Repronex stimulates my ovaries, so I can release more than the normal amount of eggs when it is time for the retrieval. I will have two more shots after that, one is the well known diet shot HCG...which still boggles my mind that it is used for a diet as well. And the other shot is a progesterone shot (this one is my least favorite).

Anyway, hopefully everything looks good and we can keep on the same schedule. We have literally planned our lives around this :)

Hope all is well with you :)



Sunday, June 27, 2010

Testy, testy

I am not sure if this is normal, or if it is just me, but when I start the hormone treatments I get...well, let's just say testy. I don't deal with disappointment or change very well. For example, my husband drove home Friday from Las Vegas, and because of traffic and a car accident ahead of them, they were 4 hours later than they should have been. When he called to tell me, all I could do was cry...yes, I cried. I was so upset. I knew somehow that this was crazy, but the tears just kept flowing.

This is going to be a very bumpy ride ;)

Here is wishing good luck to my family...I hope I don't have too many days like that.


Friday, June 25, 2010

Never again

So, now that my husband is coming home, I hope to never have to give myself a shot again. I am not sure why it is so difficult to do. It is just a little needle. I would numb up the area, clean it and then stick the needle on my tummy where I had numbed it...and I would just look at it, thinking, "now you really expect me to push this thing in?" I would take a few attempts...and then closing my eyes I would push and "pop", it would go in. I have to tell all of you women out there who have done the shots on your own through the whole process (i know there are a few of you) are amazing and brave.

I am very grateful my husband will do the shots for me...because I never want to do that ever way.



Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I did it!

I gave myself the shot!

I cried through the whole thing.

Then I called Flavio.

Then I called my mom.



Is it hot in here?

This is never a good sign, I am blasting the AC in the car on our way to the aquarium and Hannah yells, "I am freezing Mama!", while I sit there sweating. Hot flashes, you got to love them! Yes, they are a Lurpon side affect, not everyone gets them...just the lucky ones ;)

I never thought my mom and I would be going through hot flashes at the same time.

Life is a ride.



Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Not too much

I have to admit, although IVF is a daily thing...not much changes until the last couple of weeks. So there is not much to add today...other than the fact that my husband will be out of town for 3 days and I will have to give the shots myself (not a good thing for me). So we will see how I do.

Hope you are doing well and I will talk to you soon.



Monday, June 21, 2010

A Child's Faith

I have to share this tender moment with all of you. We have been talking to our daughters about the prospect of having another baby. We are trying to be open and honest about what we are doing to get another baby. Hannah has been very interested in this whole process and is always asking if she can help us get a baby.

The other day she asked us again, "Mom, can I help you get a baby?" and as I always say to her, "Yes, we need you to pray for one." Her response still brings tears to my eyes, "Mom, I already prayed and Heavenly Father said yes, I heard Him."

We have nothing to fear.

I feel very grateful.


Sunday, June 20, 2010


The first shot...done.

And it didn't hurt a bit...thank goodness for ice...and its numbing power :)

See you tomorrow!


Saturday, June 19, 2010

Questions and my first shot...

Thank you to all of those who have already commented and had questions, it makes me feel great to know that we have so many people who are there for us and supporting us. I am also glad that I could already answer some questions for those who are also in our same situation.

Just to answer some of the more general questions: We are going through the U of U this time. We know three separate couples who have gone through them and all three got pregnant, so we are hoping to have the same result the first time. :) Another question is how long does the process take? This all depends on the couple. I would say the normal time frame is 2 to 4 months for it all to happen. Also, there are grants out there along with some insurance plans that cover it. So if you have a choice for insurance look at those options.

As for our process, I had my sonohystogram yesterday and everything looks great, so we get to start our first set of shots tomorrow. The first set of shots are called Lupron shots. It is a little needle that goes into your stomach area once a day. The Lupron actually will stop my reproductive system (put me into menopause...yes I will get hot flashes and everything) , that way the doctors can take complete control of when things happen so they can plan everything out to almost the minute for the transfer. The Lupron shot isn't bad, it stings just a little, but what I can remember from last time it makes me a little moody :) So if I am a little more testy than normal, don't take it personally :)

Anyway, that is all for today. I kind of want to write a little history of our experience with infertility, but I think I will save that for later. Let me know if you have any more questions.

With love,


Friday, June 18, 2010

Let the journey begin...

I have decided to start a blog about the daily life of an IVF family. What is IVF you might ask? This is the shortened name for In-Vitro. Couples who are not able to have children on there own and who have severe infertility issues are usually prime candidates for this procedure. Here are some basic questions and answers for those who are not familiar with IVF and who are in the same situation or know someone who is. My hope is that this blog will help someone on their journey to building a family.

What is IVF and what do you have to do?

IVF is where an infertility specialist and an embryologist are able to harvest a woman's eggs and collect a man's sperm to create an embryo outside of the womb. It is simply amazing.

As far as what happens, well, I will be blogging about each day to share with you the ups and downs that come with this amazing technology. There are shots, tons of doctor visits, ultra sounds, hormones, and more doctor visits :)

How mush does it cost?

This differs. You can go out of the country and do IVF for only $5,000. If you stay in the States, the average cost for IVF is $14,000. This includes the medications and the actual IVF process.

I am excited to be able to blog my journey. We have gone through this before and I have nothing written down about how I felt or what what happening. The first journey was tough. It took us 3 tries to get our little Hannah. I went through some dark times mentally and spiritually. But I grew from it. I learned to trust more, not only myself but God as well. He has a plan for all of us. He knows what we are going through and what we suffer.

I also want to say that this blog is not intended for sympathy or pity. This blog is to share a journey that is so unique, and in some respects very personal. However, like I said before, I hope that this will help one person who may need help from our experience with infertility. I have been to hell and back with this trial and I know that it won't be over until we stop wanting more children.

My biggest hope is that my two beautiful daughters, Hannah and Lia (Lia came to us through the miracle of adoption), will grow up knowing that they are loved deeply not only by us, their parents, but by their Father in Heaven. They are our children no matter how they came to us. I am grateful for the experiences I have gone through because of infertility and I am equally grateful there are options for those of us who are going through it.

So let the journey begin...

June 18: I am going to get a Sonohyst. This is where they make sure there are no blockages in my fallopian tubes. They shoot some dye in and look via ultra sound to make sure everything looks great. We also are paying the full amount for the IVF, minus the meds.